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The 10 Basic Concepts In A Successful Marriage | Concept 1: The Love Flame


If you want to fall in love and stay in love with your partner, the best way of looking at things is by analogy of the Love Flame. Once you understand this concept, it becomes fairly easy to see how exactly people fall in and out of love. This concept helps you see how practically everything you and your partner do in your relationship, affects your love for one another either positively or negatively. Once you actively become aware of this — that’s when your mindset starts to shift. 


Each individual has a Flame. This Flame corresponds to every person that you come into contact with – depending on the depth of the relationship that you share.


So if you think about the concept of liking a person – whether it be a friend, a colleague, or a client — if that person is constantly being an asshole or putting you down, you’re not going to like them. On the other hand, if that person is kind, supportive, and does nice things for you, then you’ll like them! In other words, when you associate someone with good feelings, gasoline is poured over that person’s Flame. 


When that Flame has a certain amount of gasoline poured over it (the romantic love threshold), the feeling of love is ignited, and the Love Flame starts booming. So, it goes without saying in an intimate relationship – if you don’t keep that Love Flame burning, it’ll die out. The actions of your significant other, combined with your own personal emotional conditions, define the extent to which you love someone – in other words, just how high that Flame burns! Simple.


So, as long as gasoline is continuously being poured over the Love Flame and stays above threshold, you’ll experience the feeling of love. But as soon as water is thrown over or the Flame is forgotten about, you’ll lose that feeling. Sure, you might like anyone with a Flame that is still crackling, but you will only be in love with someone whose Flame is above that romantic love threshold.


Your emotions can also deter you from being with people who make you unhappy. As soon as you associate someone with negative feelings, water is thrown over their Flame. And if they pour over more water than there is fire, the Flame will sadly die out altogether. Depending on the extent of the damage, you will either dislike this person, or hate them in extreme cases.


Can you imagine living with a spouse that you hate? Of course your emotions will be doing everything they can to remove you from that situation; and divorce often seems like one of the most viable options to get out.


Most couples seeking help or marriage counselling have already hit that hate threshold; and as you can see, it’ll take some active and conscious effort for them to spark up that Love Flame once more. The only true action that can be taken is for couples to start pouring more gasoline over the Flame, and less water. The remaining basic concepts serve as a guideline to assist couples in achieving those objectives.


The next concept will help you understand why you behave the way you do, and what you can do to change your behaviour.


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