How Love Actually Works…
How Well Are Your Emotional Needs Being Fulfilled?
So many of you out there, are struggling in a bad or negative relationship, where you feel trapped. Maybe your partner is fulfilling you on some of your needs very well, but at the same time, your partner is not fulfilling you on other emotional needs that are important to you.
This causes internal conflict for you…
If your partner was not fulfilling any of your emotional needs, you’d have no reason to stay in the relationship, you’d be leaving, as you’d have nothing to gain.
If you are fully fulfilled on all parameters, you are in something I call the “Love Lock” – there’s no way your partner will leave you because they are 100% fulfilled by you.
Typically, the problems – like infidelity & fighting – all happen in that middle phase. You’re not wanting to kill the relationship, you’re still attracted to your partner in multiple ways; but at the same time you have a vacuum – you’re open for attack on being unfulfilled on others.
My advice to you:
If you’re in a relationship and you’re struggling, and you really want to make it solid and strong; it’s not about getting a marriage paper and a ring (it’s not about the institution) – it’s about the connectedness between two people; and it’s about how well of a job you are doing at fulfilling your partner’s emotional needs.
Step number 1:
Map things out with your partner, and get to know what your emotional needs actually are – what makes you feel loved.
Step number 2:
Map, write down, and know what your “Love Torpedoes” are – the actions your partner does to you that can actually break that connection (e.g. infidelity, selfish behaviour, anger, violence) – these are showstoppers, and of course they need to be avoided.
What I suggest is for you to interview your partner – once you’ve mapped out all of your emotional needs and Love Torpedoes – to find out exactly what those emotional needs are.
What’s your number one emotional need to feel happy in your relationship? What’s your number 2? What’s your number 3?
And then the question is to ask your partner: “How well, on a scale of one to ten, am I fulfilling your need; that need?”
It might be a harsh reality – a shock for you – as far too many couples do not address these issues and explicitly talk about them, or interview each other. Most couples do not have that mental approach of wanting to fulfill that person on their terms.
Just be conscious about the fact that as long as you know this information, you also know exactly what to do! But on the other hand, if you don’t know this information and it’s not something that you’re talking about, this is an example of a time where infidelity might creep into play…
Because let’s get something straight – a lack of sex is not a relationship problem, it’s actually more of a symptom of a disconnected relationship. It means that you’re not spending time together; and it means that the woman in the relationship, typically, is not fulfilled enough in having that emotional bond that will unlock her sexual desire. Women need this; they need that sense of emotional connectedness with their partners. On the other hand – for men, having sex is more of a basic need, like food and water!
You Have To Know Your Partner & Their Needs
So, it’s vitally important that you truly know your partner; that you become an expert in his or her needs – what turns them off, what breaks them, or makes them feel physically, mentally, or emotionally unloved. You need to avoid these actions, and create some kind of a program (similar to a gym program!) on how you plan to fulfill your partner.
And really – that’s it! The theory is indeed simple, but it’s a little harder to execute, as you may already know.
You’re holding the throttle on how much your partner actually loves you. The more you fulfill your partner, the bigger the flame! The more he or she will be attracted to you; and, ultimately, the more he or she will love you.